Huh!? What happened?!

Don't worry, I'm still here.

I'm simply acknowledging that this blog no longer serves to "motivate me" to keep my house clean. Any visitor to my home can attest to that!

I coined the phrase forever changed, but not forever broken as I was writing about the second anniversary of Nick's death. The phrase resonated with many of my widowed friends, and it has been echoing in my mind a lot lately.

I am not who I was before Nick died, and I never will be. I have been fundamentally changed. My life now is about uncovering those changes and making sense of them. And yet...

I am who I am. Fundamentally changed, I am essentially the same. If I were not the woman I was before Nick died, I would not be the woman I have become since he died.

I will continue to put my thoughts here -- both the petty and the profound, the silly and the sublime. And I will continue to be grateful for my cybercompanions, both those who walk the WidowRoad with me and those whose nonwidowed road intersects, parallels, and overlaps mine.

We're back

... and we're tired.

Okay, these photos ARE from my camera

Sunset our first night in Arizona

My mother's house

N and his new best friend -- his 24YO cousin

At Grant's Pass, on the way to the Sonora Desert Museum

Our favorite residents of the Museum

Jeesh; I'm such a fraud

It never even occurred to me, but of course you all thought I took the pictures I posted in my last entry. Actually, I just lifted them from various websites. I have been taking pictures, but my mom doesn't have any camera software on her computer. My shots will have to wait until I dump the current load of pictures onto a CD so I can clear the flash card and take more. My apologies for misleading you.

We spent all day yesterday at the Sonora Desert Museum. The boys had a wonderful time -- actually, we all did -- and I spent a ton of money at the gift shop. I bought a corn maiden rug, something I have been wanting for the last 15 years. I'll post a picture of mine when I can, but I have linked to a sample image for you.

I'm in trouble with Ron though: He called me as I was at the cash register. What did you buy me? Uhhhh.... Then I was so tired when we got home, I didn't call him back. Poor man had to call me after midnight his time. I'm a miserable excuse for a sweetheart, don't you think?

Having a wonderful time...

Wish you were here...

The photo I had here has been removed from the Web... Sorry.
The view from Dove Mountain to Marana, where my mom lives. Her house is slightly to the left of the middle of the photo, on the left (east) side of the golf fairway.

The desert behind her house...

Biosphere 2, a really cool failed experiment in creating a closed environment for people to live in.

... Love, Pentha

It's gonna be real quiet around here

Ron arrived this morning, for a week-long visit. The day after he leaves, the boys and I head to Arizona for nine days.

I'll post when I can.

Uhhh... that would be NO!

Well, HardPlace finally picked up the new mess and vacuumed his room last night. I think the idea of my giving his Transformers to Rock pushed him over the edge. I was originally going to title this post "Victory!" but it wasn't really. So what to call it...

This morning, HardPlace came and said

Mom, I have two questions.

Okay, I'm listening.

First, could I have more money for my allowance?


Why not?

Because you receive an appropriate amount of money for an 8YO boy who is only spending the money on himself. (and, yes, giving a tithe to church every week)

Oh. Well, could I have some bonus money for cleaning my room yesterday?

Eyes bulge out of my head.

I did a really good job, didn't I?

Snort with disbelief.

Oh, never mind.

"Up yours, Mom"

No, he didn't really say that. But he might as well have.

HardPlace came home from school and went to his room. When he came down, he very casually asked, Did you clean my room, Mom? Yes, I did. Well, it's all messed up again.

I laughed, thinking he was kidding. Come bedtime, I discovered he wasn't. He had pulled the drawers out of his Lego storage boxes and spread the contents of several around -- spread around, not legitimately concentrated in one place where he might have been building something. He had pulled out the biggest race track and put it right back in the middle of everything ... even though most of the connectors and all the cars have been removed from his room.

I told him that before I would start returning things to him, he needed to vacuum and dust his room. No action. Monday is a school holiday; so I said if he hasn't done that work by Tuesday, I will start going through and deciding which things to give away -- including to S (horrors!) -- and which to keep. Still no action.

On a nicer note ...

We sure had fun with our building blocks!